Hums & Violin

right now
i'm listening to
the 
les miserables 25th anniversary show.
i am in love with it.


today was a good day.
day 1's are always good days at school.
i've been falling out of the universe a lot lately.
aka
daydreaming.
i'm okay.
i'm always okay.


i wish it wasn't cold
or winter.
my feet are always so cold
and i hate bundling up.
stupid seasons.
i want my summer back
so that i can feel the grass beneath my feet again.
but with winter comes baking.
it's easier to bake in the winter.
time to crack out those
creme brulees
fruit tarts
madeleines. 
what should i try making this year?


it doesn't feel like thursday.
i was re-reading 
my last post
and realized how 
easily misunderstood it can be.
i'm not sad.
i'm not freaking out.
i mean maybe a bit freaking out.
maybe its more of a madness.
madness and sadness are two very different things.
my madness is just my mind going hay-wire. 
but its just school.
thats it.
otherwise 
i'm alright with everything.
especially with friends.
lately,
there's been a lot
of harmony in my social life.


i decided i want
to go to college
for english education
and a minor in journalism.
i want to teach english in foreign countries
or become a teacher here.
because i want to be a better
teacher than the ones i've had and have.
like mrs. hustwit.


for a long time,
i was told that i would make a great therapist.
yeah
i guess i would,
but every therapist needs a therapist,
and i would just lose my sanity.
but i love listening to others.
you all make me happy. 


thanks friends 
__________________________________________________________________

Picture of the Day

Even if you hurt the feelings of others 

you must be able to accept that pain.

so cherish what you really want

and run to the sky

Noise & Leather Boots

so right now,
i am listening to the record
"Art of Noise".
its a great one.
very techno 
but good techno
not like bad modern techno.


lately,
i've been 
feeling completely
detached from the world that surrounds me.
i laugh along with my friends,
i work hard on my classwork,
i sit and listen to my teacher's words.
but i feel as though
i'm a ghost
that's just there.
looking in on the world.
no influence,
no feeling toward anything. 
i'm probably losing my mind.
most likely.
my scribbles in my notebook 
are becoming even more 
insane 
sporadic 
and angsty.
i wish i could be in school 
studying things i actually want to learn.
i want to learn about 
the english language,
religion,
human behavior,
art,
society,
myself.
why has society become such a 
"live-for-yourself" prospect?
i've always firmly believed that
self discovery is 
one of the most important principles in life.
so why do we not get the time for it?
instead,
numbers
essays
and problems
are smashed into our minds,
and made to calculate.


i'm bored with it.
it's time to wander. 
__________________________________________________________________

Picture of the Day

this is on my christmas list.

a latex horse mask

off ebay.

i'm getting it,

whose walking around 

southside with me wearing it?

Wastebaskets & Physics Homework

it's halloween everyone!
happy halloween!


so another migraine today.
ugh.
hopefully no rebounds 
tomorrow.


so my sister and i 
have always wanted to live
together when we get older.
being architect's daughters 
we have always loved the art
of homes and interior design.
so this weekend,
we had gone to barnesnnobles 
and we looked through many books on home styles.
i've made a basic blue print as to
how i want it to look and be oriented.
i love provencal living.
houses that look very european have always stuck out to me.
blue shuddered windows,
double doors,
green vines climbing up the sides,
blah blah blah.
so i've designed a building,
where it's literally just two houses,
connected by one room,
the kitchen.
so kira and i can always be near each other,
and at the same time live separately to
prepare for (maybe) families.
i've always imagined kira to be the first to get married.
i just want to be work devoted and a good aunt.
like one of those great aunts
who brings back awesome toys 
and is really cool.
when i grow up,
i want to own two big dogs,
and of course others, 
but i can just see myself with
an irish setter and 
a siberian husky (the blonde and blue eyed ones). 
but 
as far as blueprints go,
my dad (the architect aka bob russ)
is going to sit down with us soon
and make official designs.
so excited.
and i want 
to have a nice backyard filled with lavender.
it'll be beauteous!
i want big windows too.
because i think nicely lighted houses 
are extremely divine. 
and i've always imagined
that i would have people over a lot.
friends are always fun.
so yeah, 
there's my future.
kira's going to become an engineer
and i will be an english teacher/andor/columnist.
at least one of us will be mostly successful.


ps. if i'm ever getting married, it'll be to either a british or australian or french man. no exceptions :P. 
ps. that's not real. 
ps. it actually is.
ps. it's up to you to decide. 
__________________________________________________________________

Picture of the Day

this is what i mean!

blonde and blue eyed,

well not in this picture,

siberian husky.

it will be mine. 

Visible Breathe & Hemp Notebooks

so right now,
i'm watching 
finding bigfoot.
so amazing.
"this is squatchy"


so it's halloween tomorrow!
who's all excited?!
halloween is such a strange holiday.
at least to me it is.


so i am a notebook person.
if you know what i mean.
i carry around a particular  notebook,
that i write literally anything in.
thoughts,
rambles,
notes,
school work,
things-to-do,
doodles,
drawings,
etc.
and recently,
i filled mine up.
it's the first notebook i've ever filled.
filled up notebooks have so much character.
so yesterday 
i went out to get another.
this one is a recycled one,
with a hemp cover,
and thick homemade paper.
i think it will be nice to use with watercolor doodles.
it's everything i've ever 
thought in the old one.
so it's sad to start over.
but it just means
"another chapter in my life."
cliche isn't it?
oh well.
it's a good way to exert feelings.


i'm thinking of getting my permit soon.
i've been 16 since last march,
and i just don't care for driving.
i have a bus pass,
i don't have to pay for gas with it,
plus it's eco friendly.
but now my dad has a new car,
and my mom's planning on getting a new one too.
that leaves our old car "toby". 
my mom's thinking of giving him to me.
so with that i have 
more of a reason to drive.
it's so weird.
i don't feel 16. 
i never feel 16. 
i don't want to be 16.


"maybe you should kiss someone nice, or lick a rock, or both."
__________________________________________________________________

Picture of the Day

not just one photo

but four!

these are a few recent doodles 

i've done to fill up the old notebook.

comments?

Candied Apples & Carpets

so it's been a few day's since i've posted.
my apologies.
it's been getting really busy around here.
school work and all.


so tonight is more pumpkin carving 
but instead at my moms.
we were supposed to start this afternoon.
but instead we just ran around 
doing errands.
we went to soergel today.
and i got my first candied apple!
haven't tried it yet though.
waiting to finish ramen dinner 
then eat it for dessert.
I think candied apples are really pretty,
and my mom raves about their 
significance in her childhood.
hopefully it's all i dreamed.


i also got to feed a few animals.
a donkey
a goat
a pig
and a bunny.
i liked the donkey the best.
his name was noah. 


so i've filled up my journal. 
or actually
i have two more pages.
but still it's an accomplishment 
for me.
i never used to fill them up.
or rarely use even 5 pages.
but i filled it up
with thoughts
and drawings
and doodles.
mostly rambles too.
but whats been keeping me from 
posting is drawing.
i've gotten out of my 
artist block
and finally started making art again.
art is what i was born to do.
it simply makes life beautiful.


it snowed today!
don't read that 
as if i were sounding excited about it.
i'm not.
i hate snow.
and i hate the cold.
i wish i could hibernate.
like a bear
or a squirrel.


I was listening to 
Obla-di-obla-da
by 
The Beatles.
and i realized how much i like the name Marli.
for a girl at least. 
i like names.
they are nice:


Yvienne     Lys     Noa     Knox     Saria     Rune     Feo


__________________________________________________________________

Picture of the Day

isn't strange?

that i have never been to a lavender field 

and yet i want to return to one?

Ceramic Dust & Conformist Shoes

so 
another migraine today.
i wish 
i could 
swap brains with someone.
but still remain myself.
i hate them.
so much.


for a long time,
i was like all those other
girls. 
i tried to dress
so that 
they would like me.
i tried to act
so that they would like me.
but soon,
i 
realized,
how much
i could
care
less.
i am 
who i am.
i dress
the way i want to.
i act
the way i want to.
and none of it
is to impress anyone.
i do it 
for myself.
and i think
maybe,
some 
should think 
the same way.
love yourself.
be yourself.
trust me,
it's much more fun that way.
do things to make
YOU happy.
no one else.
hell,
shave your head,
wear overalls,
take ugly photos,
whatever. 
(hah, everything i do...)
i also think
that it's much 
easier to 
live that way.
being you.
i'm me.
and i love it.
and i 
know 
that i have
plenty of friends
who love 
me for it too.


okay,
phew 
done with that.
I've officially finished
my ceramics project!
it's very
zen.
once it's
bisque fired,
i'll glaze it.
pretty excited.


i can't believe this weeks
already started.
weekends never last.
i need more excitement 
during my school days.
the weather is
really going against me. 


lately 
i've been thinking
about
many 
existentialistic 
ideas,
what happens after death,
what is beyond space,
who else is like me.
my mother
thinks my mind
wanders to far away 
lands.
of course
it does. 
__________________________________________________________________

Picture of the Day

i really love npr,

and "this american life"

and storycorps did a 

great book on just 

stories of real life people.

read it if your intrigued. 

Wild Flower Crowns & Cat Eyes

pumpkin carving
took place
at the 
russ residence 
today!
i carved for so long.
one of my best designs yet!
hopefully it doesn't 
get stolen,
like last years. 
(-_-;)


today was a pretty 
relaxed day.
last night i went to a 
halloween party.
i watched 
the expendables for 
about the
first
hour and a half. 
great movie.
lots of 
great 
fight scenes.
i love
fight scenes.
plus one of them
had an australian 
accent.
so
good.


i love to rake 
leaves.
last weekend 
i raked 
for about 3 and a half
hours.
by myself.
its so fun
rakin leaves
in the cool air,
while blasting 
a playlist off of my ipod.
the atmosphere 
is so melancholy.
then i started getting hungry.
so i made
a fire.
and roasted hotdogs,
outside,
by myself.
my mom came home
and told me
that i looked like a 
homeless person. 


in The Beatles song,
day in the life,
the one 
lyric
"found my way up the stairs and took a smoke
and someone spoke and i fell into a dream" 
then it just has this moment where
John Lennon 
just sings,
"aaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh"
and as i was listening to it the other day,
i realized that 
that lyric 
is equal to my mind
24/7.
i'm an avid daydreamer.
constantly falling out of the universe 
and landing in some far away place.
flower child.
____________________________________________________________________

Picture of the Day

my pumpkin for the year! 

how's it look?!